I have this theory. I shared it on social media a while back, but I want to expand on the idea.

For as long as I can remember, I've heard people talk about filling your cup. I've talked about it, too. I even demonstrated an example after I learned a better way to envision it - keeping your cup SO full that it overflows rather than tipping it to pour into others.

The trouble with this, for me, is that the concept of filling a cup - presumably with water - always threw me off. Sure, we're 70% water, but it's not like we're 30% cup. It didn't feel relatable.

Nevermind that not all liquids are the same. What if my cup gets tired of plain old water and wants some orange juice? Is there also a coffee cup? Even with my overactive imagination, this metaphor doesn't work for me. So, how do I know when my cup, which I can't envision, is full?

I set the whole damn cup on fire.

Rather than filling a mystery cup with, well, anything, I have decided to envision building a fire. Here's how I see this working - and yes, I know it still requires imagination, but this concept just works for me.

You know that fire gives off energy in the forms of light and heat, right? Of course you do. And you know that if you don't maintain the fire with fuel (wood) and oxygen, it will peter out. No more light, no more heat.

Now, I understand there are a lot of flammable things that would burn in a bonfire. But for this scenario, we're going to talk about twigs, sticks, and logs. All of these burn at different rates, and all do their part to keep the energy of the fire flowing. The key is finding a balance of them so that you can enjoy your bonfire for as long as you're here.

From here on out, I will be viewing everything in terms of how it sustains my fire. Little joys are twigs, which are easy to add to the fire and throw bright flames, but burn up quickly. Medium joys are sticks, which might take a minute to catch fire but ultimately last longer and allow for more light. Then there are logs. They can require a little more work and proper placement, but they are the foundation of the fire and absolutely necessary to its longevity.

After spending some time with this concept, I'd like to provide a few examples of twigs, sticks, and logs. The other day, a butterfly landed on my shoe and hung out for a minute. That was a twig - it brought me a lot of joy, but it was fleeting in the sense that I'm not sure I'll remember it after a while. Something like a live concert or a vacation would be a stick, because it does bring you prolonged joy and memories to carry with you, but you won't be excited about it forever. Then there are logs. I'm beginning to think that logs are actually made up of the habits we do every day that contribute to our wellbeing. These are the foundation of the fire; they'll still burn even if you have to walk away for a moment, but without twigs and sticks they won't give off as big of flames.

Some of my logs include meditation, Reiki, regular movement, spending time with my family and my dogs, etc. Those practices aren't throwing bright, flashy flames, although I'd argue they are the most important ones. Without those you won't have much of a fire to work with - or that the one you do have will require constant effort, always needing to throw more wood on to get bits of joy.

The final piece of this theory is that, just like when building a real fire, you can't just throw handfuls of sticks at it all willy nilly. You need to tend your fire with care, and perhaps a little planning to make sure it doesn't either go out or burn out of control. The key is learning what size fire you can comfortably and realistically maintain. Rely on your logs and the twigs of day-to-day life - consistent habits and simple pleasures.

Also, keep in mind that you may need outside assistance at times. If you can't handle collecting your own firewood, how can you rely on your stores and the people around you to keep the flames - and therefore the heat and the light - alive? No one is alone in this human experience, and there is no shame in asking for help. By learning about the types of things that sustain you and bring you joy, you'll know exactly what you need in a moment where gathering twigs and sticks is just not going to happen.

The benefit I've found to thinking about my wellbeing this way is that when my fire is roaring, I am effortlessly giving off light and heat to anyone around me. They can use some of my flames to ignite their fires, without my having to compromise my own. I am leaving a trail of light wherever I go, and I am creating an impact on others by taking care of myself. It's not selfish to maintain my logs, or to add twigs and sticks for myself, because without them my flame goes out and everyone around me gets darker and colder.

This (as so many parts of life) is a work in progress. But I needed to be able to articulate it in order to fully understand how it works, even for myself. I hope you found something useful here, and if the fire analogy doesn't resonate with you, create your own! Just because so many people are out there filling cups doesn't mean you have to. Build a sandcastle, construct a Lego tower, or do whatever speaks to you. Just don't forget to implement those actions in your life once you've figured them out.

I saw a video on tiktok that I can't stop thinking about. It wasn't a viral dance, or a compilation of cute animals. Apologies in advance. Someone I don't know was talking about how she doesn't know how to cope with all the bad news that's been flooding our senses lately. When you stop to think about everything that's in the news, it sure looks like the world is a mess. Except, it's not entirely. 

Of course the media only shows us the bad shit. Isn't that how it's always been? But if you look closely, there is also a lot of good happening right under our noses. In times like this, it is so, SO imperative to focus on every scrap of goodness you can find, because that's what is going to raise the collective vibration.

You might know that emotions have frequencies. Some of the lowest-frequency emotions include fear, anger, and hatred - three of the primary emotions that the news cycle is inciting in us. It is a universal law that similar energies attract each other, so those of us who get sucked into the negative spiral are also perpetuating it. And I would argue that's what the extremists want. A nation divided is a nation easily influenced and controlled. We've got to focus on the things that matter and not the shit they are waving in our faces.  

We, as a human collective, need to raise the vibrational frequency of the world. It's up to us, and it's going to take some work. These things don't happen by themselves, and they don't happen overnight. I strongly believe, now more than ever, that self-care is the answer. It might sound crazy on the surface, but here's my reasoning:

The only thing we can *truly* control in this world is ourselves. Our first step in fighting back is not allowing ourselves to fall into this pit of despair that has opened up in our country. Once you've been marked "safe," the next step is to focus on your own frequency. One of the best ways to raise your vibration is through self-care practices. Whatever those may look like for you, NOW is the time to make time for them. Every. Damn. Day. No more excuses about how you don't have time because they're not a priority. If you can't make yourself feel good then how the hell do you plan to spread any goodness outside of yourself?

We cannot enact change from a place of despair. There has to be hope, and there has to be faith that love will win. For us to have the energy we need to come out of this on top, we need to fill our reserves to bursting, so that we *have* to share our light because there's simply too much for us to hold onto alone. I promise I'm not being a Pollyanna - I'm not turning a blind eye to the devastation, I'm just not letting it take hold of me. I am committed to making my little corner of the internet (and the physical world) a welcoming, safe space for all. The more of us who follow suit, the larger that safe space becomes. We don't need to fight the oppressors, simply outnumber them. Crowd them out. Choosing anger, fear, and hatred sinks us down to their level and dammit, we're better than that.

Start today. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel good, and protect that peace as fiercely as a mama bear. Take a page out of Mr. Rogers' book and look for the helpers. Then become one. Commit to helping others feel good and safe and loved. Focus on your sphere of influence and spread that love like wildfire. 

Now, I know I can't singlehandedly get this message out to every person who needs to hear it - I'm going to need help. If you are reading or hearing this, I ask that you share it at least once. Admittedly, I don't have the largest footprint (unless you're looking at my actual feet), and I don't personally know anyone who could spread these words far and wide. But you might. So let's give it a shot. What have we got to lose? 

I had the opportunity to write an article for the Natural Living Expo program guide, and I thought I would share it here as well. The expo takes place Nov 11-12 in Marlborough, MA, at the Best Western Royal Plaza Trade Center & Hotel. I am so excited to share the magic of self-care with thousands of attendees! Without further adieu, here's what I wrote: 

Have you ever felt overwhelmed, stressed, or burnt out? I’m going to take a wild guess and say yes. Maybe you’re even feeling one or all of those things right now. There’s no question that being an adult is a demanding task. Our days are full of responsibilities, work, family, and a desperate attempt at a social life. If you find yourself getting cold on the back burner more often than not, this article is for you. 

No matter how full your schedule is, you deserve to be a priority in your own life. You are worthy of having your needs met. Modern Self-Care was created to shift the way people perceive and care for themselves. If you envision massages, facials, and manicures when you think about self-care, you’re not alone. While those things can be great additions to your routine, they aren’t a solid foundation. The real magic is in the small moments of daily life - eating nourishing food, getting enough sleep, genuine human connection, and all of the little things that light you up. 

Why is self-care so important? Well, it's directly related to the way you feel about yourself and your life in general. It's your confidence, your self-esteem, your joy. It's your success and peace of mind. It's your energy and your freaking health. If you want more of those things, you're going to have to learn to put yourself first. 

Imagine a bonfire. It effortlessly provides light and heat to anyone around it - so long as you keep adding wood. Once you stop, the fire will die down and eventually burn out. No more light, no more heat. And have you ever tried to reignite charred wood? Good luck. Your self-care practice is a steady supply of wood that keeps your fire burning so that you AND everyone around you benefits. When you consider the beautiful ripple effect that putting yourself first creates, one could argue it’s the least selfish thing you can do. 

Speaking of a ripple effect, the vibration that you send into the world is powerful and has far more impact than you might imagine. Humans are energetic beings, and the best way to feel as good as you can as often as possible is to manage your own energy. A solid self-care practice is the simplest way to raise your vibration. Not only will your frequency influence those around you, it'll determine the people and situations that show up in your life. Feelings like guilt, anger, and resentment are all low-vibe states, and they're going to attract more of the same. Coincidentally, those are some of the emotions you may feel if you aren't prioritizing your wellbeing. 

One way to help manage your energy is with Reiki. We all have stored stress and trauma in our bodies, and that creates energetic blocks. Think about a river that was once free-flowing, but now has a dam blocking the water's movement. The stagnant water attracts algae, mosquitoes, and other insects like cockroaches. Yuck. You are probably holding onto some negative energy right now, even if you don't realize it. When we have stagnant energy stuck in our bodies, it can manifest as physical ailments, bad moods, poor social relationships, and so much more. 

So, what does self-care actually look like? Well, you tell me. What makes you feel good? What lights you up? What gives you energy? Coaches aren't meant to swoop in with all the answers; our expertise is in helping you find your own and holding you accountable to them. Of course there are some general guidelines I share, but it’s so important to find what works for YOU. How much of your life lights you up and has you excited to open your eyes each morning? My goal is for you to align your current reality with your ideal reality and create a life you don't need to escape from. 

By combining question-based coaching and Reiki energy healing, I help my clients leap into the best version of themselves, where joy is a daily vibe and not just some imaginary thing they're chasing. I want them to believe that anything is possible, because it is. 

If you’re ready to experience the freedom and expansion of a life where you get to be incredibly successful without needing to hustle or grind, visit Booth #37 at the expo! I’ll also be presenting my popular workshop, De-Funk Your Default Thoughts, on Sunday from 12:30-1:30 in Salon B. I can’t wait to guide you into the next best version of yourself. :) 

I have a meditation app that tracks how many days in a row I use it. Recently I had a pretty good streak going, and then I missed a day. Well, according to the app I missed a day, at least. I would argue that my streak is intact.

See, there's more than one way to meditate. Choosing to be present and mindful, whether or not there is a specific background track, is meditation. Being in flow state is meditation. When there are so many ways to get the same benefits, why limit yourself to one of them?

This is where having a routine is not the same as having a ritual. My normal routine each morning is to get up, take care of the dogs, and then park it on the couch to meditate. The house is still quiet, the day is just beginning...it's perfect. Except for when I wake up bursting with energy - which does not happen often but did happen last week.

That day, I skipped my morning routine in favor of walking the dogs right away. Usually when a routine gets shaken up, the pieces of it don't happen elsewhere. A ritual, however, is something you make time for regardless of what the day looks like. Think about this: no matter how crazy your schedule is, you always find time to brush your teeth. That, my friend, is a ritual.

I still made time to meditate that day, just in a different way. There may have been a break in my routine, but my ritual is strong. I hope by now you know that this post is not just about meditation. That was simply an example to convey the fact that you will make time for what is important to you - and that there's often more than one way to accomplish something.

Routines can be done on autopilot. They're habits, muscle memory, subconscious. Rituals are intentional. You consciously choose to include them. Consider the difference as you move through your day today...what parts of your actions are routine? What rituals do you have? What are your non-negotiables?

Whatever you do, be sure to make self-care a ritual. Prioritize taking care of yourself and meeting your needs so that you don't fall into a routine of burning out. Self-care doesn't have to be fancy or complicated, but it does need to be intentional and consistent. I promise you're worth it. ❤️

In honor of my first (and hopefully only) root canal, let's talk about root causes this week.

If you've never gone down this rabbit hole before, let me give you a quick summary: Beliefs become thoughts, which become actions, which become reality. So if you're hoping to change something about your reality, most likely you've gotta dive deeper than the surface.

A foundational piece of self-care is knowing yourself. Once you understand how you function and what feels good to you, it's second nature to accommodate your needs. This is why just going through the motions, or doing the things you're "supposed" to doesn't last. It's not sustainable because your heart's not in it.

Someone who grew up learning the importance of serving others might have a deep-seated belief that their own needs come second (or third, or not at all). As they get older and acquire more responsibilities, self-care might take a back burner or get cut out entirely.

There may be feelings of guilt or shame around prioritizing their own needs, because so many others are depending on them. How could they possibly spend their time and energy so selfishly?!?

In this situation - which might sound pretty familiar to you - jumping right into a self-care routine can actually be a disservice. Going through the motions without addressing the mindset around them is a recipe for failure.

Sure, you would be all in for a week or two, and the results you feel would be genuine, but soon those old beliefs would take over and you'd be back to square one.

I am ridiculously passionate about helping my clients shift their beliefs FIRST and their actions second. It's the only thing that has worked for me, and the only way to keep from falling back into old habits. Sure, everyone slips from time to time, but when you believe - without a shadow of a doubt - that you are worthy of self-care, and that you deserve to have your needs met, you never fully fall.

How consistent is your self-care practice? What are your thoughts and beliefs about it? I would love to hear from you! Send me an email or shoot me a message and let's talk! 😊

Self-care, on paper, is always pleasant. It's a good feeling to know that your needs are met and you are taken care of. And when you consider all the things we're sold in the name of self-care, it sounds downright luxurious. Massages and facials and spa days, oh my!

The reality is that real self-care is much smaller and more frequent than the occasional day of pampering. It's a compilation of daily behaviors like eating nutritious food, getting good sleep, and setting healthy boundaries.

Honestly, sometimes in the moment self-care feels like responsibility. It can be challenging to make sure your needs are met when you're the one in charge of meeting them. That doesn't make it any less important, and sometimes you need to be willing to give yourself tough love.

The same way a parent tells their child to eat their vegetables, or makes them wear a warm coat when it's cold out, you need to step up and be firm with yourself. Think not only of your current situation, but of your future self. What decision or action would be best for them? Would they be grateful for your behavior right now?

Having this third-person perspective can be helpful because it detaches you from...well, you. Most of us find caring for others a whole lot easier than caring for ourselves. When you can imagine a future version of yourself, they become someone else. And you can make good decisions for someone else!

All of this came up for me because we had torrential rain and wind on Monday, and I was in full hibernation mode. I did make it out of pajamas, but I did NOT want to leave the house. The reality is, I have 3 dogs who spent the day cooped up and really wanted to walk once the rain stopped. I didn't think too hard about it as I suited up and prepared to take them. I detached and reminded myself that this was good for ALL of us.

You know what? I really enjoyed our walks. First the two hooligans, and then my little guy who thinks he's a human. The wind was still wild, but it was refreshing after being indoors all day. Normally I don't consider dog walks to be self-care, because that's their time. But Monday's walks were fulfilling for everyone. I'm grateful they're here to hold me accountable.

If you don't have accountability dogs, try substituting people! 🙃 Even though being an adult means you are essentially your own parent, it doesn't mean you can't have external support. Lean on friends, family, coworkers, and coaches to help you become the best version of yourself.