When I decided that 2023 would be the year I stretched my comfort zone, I didn't realize it would also be the year I began to hold myself ridiculously accountable.

Starting a blog isn't even *technically* on my list - which I'll share in a moment - but I have been toying with the idea for a LONG time. At this point I'm not ready to commit to a daily or even weekly post. I'm on facebook and tiktok and I send out weekly emails. Yes, I love to write, but I don't want to write like I'm running out of time. Ha! Five sentences in and I've already referenced Hamilton. This space will be for anything I've learned that I'm either still working through or feels like a big enough lesson to be universal. And yes, the first one came from a karaoke bar, on the second night in a row that I'd been out past my bedtime.

Now is as good a time as any to share my list. I don't make resolutions for the new year, but I do set intentions. This year they were all related to stretching my comfort zone. In no particular order, I will:

Finish the Providence marathon
Do a boudoir photo shoot
**Rebrand my business**
Get a tattoo
Hike Mt Washington
**Sing Satisfied at karaoke**
Take an improv class??

The asterisks indicate that I did the thing. The improv class is strictly schedule-dependent. If I can find one, maybe in the fall, that doesn't conflict with braiding or coaching, I'm all in. If it doesn't pan out, I won't consider it a failure.

Okay, on to the main course. Do you like eggplant parm?

I spent years telling myself that I hate karaoke. Me, the person who used to go every Monday with a group of friends. Granted, I didn't always sing, but it was always a good time.

Fast forward to me working in a restaurant that had karaoke, and chose me to work those nights because I could handle a crowd. It ended up being a miserable experience for a couple reasons. One, karaoke crowds don't buy anything. They sip water and spend hours taking up your tables without even a passing thought of leaving a tip. Meanwhile, life goes on for the other side of the restaurant, where everyone who also works exclusively for tips is getting them. Two, those same guests that don't tip expect you to roll out the red carpet for them ahead of their performance. You've never been truly looked down upon as a server until you've been looked down on by a karaoke devotee. They strut around like they're Sara Bareilles or Eddie Vedder but with a voice that even my dogs would consider mediocre at best. Not a shred of self-awareness in the whole crowd.

If you haven't yet noticed, I judged these people pretty fucking hard. As someone who paid her bills with the kindness of others, I had no use for the blatant lack of kindness I found on karaoke night. I changed my availability so that I could no longer get stuck in that situation, and I swore off karaoke forever.

A few months ago I was on a solo road trip and singing along to the Hamilton soundtrack. One of my favorite songs, Satisfied, came on and I belted it out with the confidence of someone alone in a car. It made me feel so good that I got to thinking: what if I sang this for real? I have two friends who have been bugging me for AGES to go to karaoke. Maybe I could make an exception to my lifelong ban for this one song?

I will mention, as a side note, that this was the night my 2023 list of intentions was born. Karaoke was the first thing on my list, and it grew into a whole year of stretching.

Anywhoozle, the night finally came around and I was nervous as hell. I know I'm not great but I was hoping to at least be good enough not to crash and burn. I didn’t want to be one of those awful karaoke people. And there it was. The truth behind my fear. I spent so many years judging people for living it up at karaoke (based on their tiplessness, a word I just made up) that I was afraid to be on the other end of that judgment. In reality, I would love to have the confidence that those screechers had. But since I have always been unsure of my voice and too shy to do one of the fun, entertaining songs that gets the crowd going, I knocked others down to my level.

UGHHHHHHH. Gross.

Last week I cheered for every singer, judged no one, and overtipped for my soda. I sang my song even though I was shaking and my voice got stuck in my head (rather than that wonderful singing-from-your-chest voice that both sounds and feels better). Kevin Hart was right, man. Say it with your chest. My friends whooped and hollered, and later that night not one but TWO complete strangers told me that I'd done a great job. Do I think I was great? No. Do I think that they were acknowledging me for being scared and doing it anyway? Heck yes I do, and I receive that!
 
THIS is the karaoke that I used to love. Now I know I'll be back, and I'm sure I'll be more confident next time, too.

I have this theory. I shared it on social media a while back, but I want to expand on the idea.

For as long as I can remember, I've heard people talk about filling your cup. I've talked about it, too. I even demonstrated an example after I learned a better way to envision it - keeping your cup SO full that it overflows rather than tipping it to pour into others.

The trouble with this, for me, is that the concept of filling a cup - presumably with water - always threw me off. Sure, we're 70% water, but it's not like we're 30% cup. It didn't feel relatable.

Nevermind that not all liquids are the same. What if my cup gets tired of plain old water and wants some orange juice? Is there also a coffee cup? Even with my overactive imagination, this metaphor doesn't work for me. So, how do I know when my cup, which I can't envision, is full?

I set the whole damn cup on fire.

Rather than filling a mystery cup with, well, anything, I have decided to envision building a fire. Here's how I see this working - and yes, I know it still requires imagination, but this concept just works for me.

You know that fire gives off energy in the forms of light and heat, right? Of course you do. And you know that if you don't maintain the fire with fuel (wood) and oxygen, it will peter out. No more light, no more heat.

Now, I understand there are a lot of flammable things that would burn in a bonfire. But for this scenario, we're going to talk about twigs, sticks, and logs. All of these burn at different rates, and all do their part to keep the energy of the fire flowing. The key is finding a balance of them so that you can enjoy your bonfire for as long as you're here.

From here on out, I will be viewing everything in terms of how it sustains my fire. Little joys are twigs, which are easy to add to the fire and throw bright flames, but burn up quickly. Medium joys are sticks, which might take a minute to catch fire but ultimately last longer and allow for more light. Then there are logs. They can require a little more work and proper placement, but they are the foundation of the fire and absolutely necessary to its longevity.

After spending some time with this concept, I'd like to provide a few examples of twigs, sticks, and logs. The other day, a butterfly landed on my shoe and hung out for a minute. That was a twig - it brought me a lot of joy, but it was fleeting in the sense that I'm not sure I'll remember it after a while. Something like a live concert or a vacation would be a stick, because it does bring you prolonged joy and memories to carry with you, but you won't be excited about it forever. Then there are logs. I'm beginning to think that logs are actually made up of the habits we do every day that contribute to our wellbeing. These are the foundation of the fire; they'll still burn even if you have to walk away for a moment, but without twigs and sticks they won't give off as big of flames.

Some of my logs include meditation, Reiki, regular movement, spending time with my family and my dogs, etc. Those practices aren't throwing bright, flashy flames, although I'd argue they are the most important ones. Without those you won't have much of a fire to work with - or that the one you do have will require constant effort, always needing to throw more wood on to get bits of joy.

The final piece of this theory is that, just like when building a real fire, you can't just throw handfuls of sticks at it all willy nilly. You need to tend your fire with care, and perhaps a little planning to make sure it doesn't either go out or burn out of control. The key is learning what size fire you can comfortably and realistically maintain. Rely on your logs and the twigs of day-to-day life - consistent habits and simple pleasures.

Also, keep in mind that you may need outside assistance at times. If you can't handle collecting your own firewood, how can you rely on your stores and the people around you to keep the flames - and therefore the heat and the light - alive? No one is alone in this human experience, and there is no shame in asking for help. By learning about the types of things that sustain you and bring you joy, you'll know exactly what you need in a moment where gathering twigs and sticks is just not going to happen.

The benefit I've found to thinking about my wellbeing this way is that when my fire is roaring, I am effortlessly giving off light and heat to anyone around me. They can use some of my flames to ignite their fires, without my having to compromise my own. I am leaving a trail of light wherever I go, and I am creating an impact on others by taking care of myself. It's not selfish to maintain my logs, or to add twigs and sticks for myself, because without them my flame goes out and everyone around me gets darker and colder.

This (as so many parts of life) is a work in progress. But I needed to be able to articulate it in order to fully understand how it works, even for myself. I hope you found something useful here, and if the fire analogy doesn't resonate with you, create your own! Just because so many people are out there filling cups doesn't mean you have to. Build a sandcastle, construct a Lego tower, or do whatever speaks to you. Just don't forget to implement those actions in your life once you've figured them out.

Oh man, it's been a month since my last post?!? Whoops. I've been working through so much stuff and the fog is starting to lift, which feels magical. I'm telling you, the combination of coaching and therapy is gold! 

This week I had a call with my coach on Wednesday and therapy on Thursday. The conversations were similar, because the block I'm currently working through is freaking giant and casts a shadow over many parts of my life. I had just finished explaining one recurring scenario when my therapist just *casually* mentioned something that blew my mind. She hit on the exact thing that I've been unable to see for months - or, more accurately, YEARS. 

Last night I made time to drop out of my head and into to my body, and just listened. I was able to pinpoint the moment when this limiting belief had been created, which took me back to age 12. That was 26 years ago for those of you keeping track. SO many of our current beliefs, thoughts, and actions are rooted in childhood. It's hard to wrap your brain around because you've inevitably changed so much since those formative years, but it's a thousand percent true.

After bringing that initial situation to light, I began to journal on some of the associated thoughts and feelings. Something amazing happens when you just start writing and allow your subconscious to take you on an adventure. Whether you prefer own and paper, typing on a computer, or voice-to-text on your phone, I would encourage you to practice writing without too much of an agenda. I would also encourage you to hire a coach, but start with writing. It's free, requires very little effort, and can be hugely productive. Plus, no needs to know what you write unless you want them to - so if you have a hard time sharing personal thoughts, it's a no-brainer.

As anyone who has ever done personal development work will tell you: if you want answers, you've gotta go within. I hope you are able to trust yourself enough to do exactly that. ❤️

I saw a video on tiktok that I can't stop thinking about. It wasn't a viral dance, or a compilation of cute animals. Apologies in advance. Someone I don't know was talking about how she doesn't know how to cope with all the bad news that's been flooding our senses lately. When you stop to think about everything that's in the news, it sure looks like the world is a mess. Except, it's not entirely. 

Of course the media only shows us the bad shit. Isn't that how it's always been? But if you look closely, there is also a lot of good happening right under our noses. In times like this, it is so, SO imperative to focus on every scrap of goodness you can find, because that's what is going to raise the collective vibration.

You might know that emotions have frequencies. Some of the lowest-frequency emotions include fear, anger, and hatred - three of the primary emotions that the news cycle is inciting in us. It is a universal law that similar energies attract each other, so those of us who get sucked into the negative spiral are also perpetuating it. And I would argue that's what the extremists want. A nation divided is a nation easily influenced and controlled. We've got to focus on the things that matter and not the shit they are waving in our faces.  

We, as a human collective, need to raise the vibrational frequency of the world. It's up to us, and it's going to take some work. These things don't happen by themselves, and they don't happen overnight. I strongly believe, now more than ever, that self-care is the answer. It might sound crazy on the surface, but here's my reasoning:

The only thing we can *truly* control in this world is ourselves. Our first step in fighting back is not allowing ourselves to fall into this pit of despair that has opened up in our country. Once you've been marked "safe," the next step is to focus on your own frequency. One of the best ways to raise your vibration is through self-care practices. Whatever those may look like for you, NOW is the time to make time for them. Every. Damn. Day. No more excuses about how you don't have time because they're not a priority. If you can't make yourself feel good then how the hell do you plan to spread any goodness outside of yourself?

We cannot enact change from a place of despair. There has to be hope, and there has to be faith that love will win. For us to have the energy we need to come out of this on top, we need to fill our reserves to bursting, so that we *have* to share our light because there's simply too much for us to hold onto alone. I promise I'm not being a Pollyanna - I'm not turning a blind eye to the devastation, I'm just not letting it take hold of me. I am committed to making my little corner of the internet (and the physical world) a welcoming, safe space for all. The more of us who follow suit, the larger that safe space becomes. We don't need to fight the oppressors, simply outnumber them. Crowd them out. Choosing anger, fear, and hatred sinks us down to their level and dammit, we're better than that.

Start today. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel good, and protect that peace as fiercely as a mama bear. Take a page out of Mr. Rogers' book and look for the helpers. Then become one. Commit to helping others feel good and safe and loved. Focus on your sphere of influence and spread that love like wildfire. 

Now, I know I can't singlehandedly get this message out to every person who needs to hear it - I'm going to need help. If you are reading or hearing this, I ask that you share it at least once. Admittedly, I don't have the largest footprint (unless you're looking at my actual feet), and I don't personally know anyone who could spread these words far and wide. But you might. So let's give it a shot. What have we got to lose? 

Despite my best efforts, I have become one of those people who can't stop talking about the fact that she's going to run a marathon. There's a joke: "How do you know if someone runs marathons? Don't worry, they'll tell you." I get it now. It's funny until you are the joke (and honestly, it's still funny).

There are a lot of reasons why I'm proud to add Marathoner to my list of accomplishments. I thought I would share a few and let you in on the inspiration behind my decision to cover 26.2 miles in one shot.

First and foremost, I want to celebrate what my body and mind can do when they work together. For a large portion of my life they were very much at odds, and I've never been so grateful as the day they formed an alliance.

Cut to the scene from The Office:
Dwight: "Do you want to form an alliance with me?"
Jim: "Absolutely I do."
Dwight: "Good, good. Excellent."

Right. So after decades of disordered eating, body dysmorphia, and an unhealthy relationship with movement, I've finally landed in the healthiest version of myself - both physically and mentally. If that's not grounds for celebration, I don't know what is.

One of the ways I healed my relationship with movement was by taking over a year off from structured exercise. When I was ready to come back, I decided to listen to my body and ask it what modalities to try. Turns out, the girl who always hated running actually craved it. Maybe this is one of those "tastebuds change" every seven years things, or maybe I got bitten by a radioactive sneaker. Who knows?!?

Okay, so I enjoy running. Great. Why 26.2 freaking miles? It's self-care. Yes, you read that correctly. Committing to marathon training meant that I would need to take the absolute best care of myself leading up to race day. I have to make sure I am rested and recovered between runs, strong enough to endure 6+ hours on the course (I'm doing run/walk intervals), and mentally prepared to talk myself through the slogs. There's no better time to step up my self-care game and create a bulletproof practice that will stay with me no matter what my next adventure may be.

Finally, I wanted to give myself permission to leave the house for hours at a time and do something that was JUST for me. I do go for solo hikes pretty regularly, but I tend to keep them relatively short for time purposes. Gotta get home to the dogs and back to serving others. Can't be too selfish (and yes, I felt that way even as a coach who preaches that self-care ISN'T selfish). Now, 3 weeks out from the marathon, my training runs are almost 4 hours long. And you know what? They don't feel selfish anymore. They feel liberating, exciting, and NECESSARY. I am a different person after a run, and that person is SO much more capable of showing up for her dogs, her family, her friends, and her clients. The shift I've noticed in myself these past few months has been life changing.

Do you need to run a marathon to experience this shift? Not at all. But you do need to commit to making yourself a priority. Choose a goal - maybe one that you've been putting off - and just fucking DECIDE that today is day one. You might not notice a difference immediately, but oh, it's coming. And you don't want to miss it.

Planning ahead is a funny thing. You may have heard the phrase, "The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry." One of my goals for 2023 was to start and maintain a blog. I love to write and I wanted to play with something a bit longer form than social media or emails. Looks good on paper, as they say.

Back in February when I started this adventure, I thought I would post maybe once a month. I set the bar pretty low because I wanted to set myself up for success. For a few months I did pretty well, but now it's June and I'm 7+ weeks removed from my latest entry. Oops.

Have you ever had a friend that you used to talk to often, but then you accidentally ghost each other for months? To the point where it feels awkward to reach out, so you just don't? I used to think there was an expiration date on things, where if you walked away (on purpose or otherwise) for too long, you just didn't go back. Fortunately I've outgrown that mindset, and now I'm able to embrace the potential awkwardness of picking up where we left off. Who wants to lose something good just because they got busy or sidetracked? Not this girl!

All that said, I'm back. I don't know how long it'll be until my next post, but I know it'll flow out of me in its own time. Right now I'm so grateful for the fullness on my plate this summer. I've got plenty of horse shows coming up, I'm about to kick off the beta test of Your Brightest Self, and as of next month I'll be offering in-person Reiki in addition to distance sessions! I also *may* have fallen down a rabbit hole yesterday and planned a bucket list vacation for January '24. 

Life is good, and I hope you feel the same way. :)

As we approach the midpoint of 2023, I'm checking in on my goals for the year. I actually did this recently with my coach, but I want to share it a little more publicly. I know the value of accountability, and the more people hear my goals, the more they'll hold me to them.

First I'll say that I feel really good about this year. It's been full of aligned decisions and actions. My business is growing steadily, I've been managing my energy better than ever, and my relationships are thriving.

Each year I choose a couple words to guide me - my North stars, if you will. This year they were unfiltered, simple, and audacious, and I can honestly say I am living into each one of them. That's sort of my first goal, and it will continue through December.

Perhaps my most public goal to date was completing the Providence marathon. Not only did I finish, I did it a half hour faster than I expected. It was such an incredible experience, from training all the way through recovery. Before my blisters had even healed, I signed up for a half marathon this October. Yay!

Rather than list out everything I've done, though, let's look forward. In no particular order, I will get a tattoo, do a boudoir photo shoot, and hike Mt. Washington. But there's one stretchy goal I haven't shared with anyone yet, and I've gotta come clean.

I will be debt-free on January 1st.

Because of the seasonal nature of braiding, I make my income in chunks. Sometimes, during the winter, I lean on my credit cards and then pay them off after I go to Florida. This winter, I won't need to do that. I don't care how it happens, but I am done paying interest fees.

It feels a little weird to set a goal that I'm not 100% sure how to accomplish. But I have complete trust in the universe (trust was one of 2022's words) and I know it's going to happen.

What are your goals for the year? Feel free to shoot me a message and share them for accountability!

I had the opportunity to write an article for the Natural Living Expo program guide, and I thought I would share it here as well. The expo takes place Nov 11-12 in Marlborough, MA, at the Best Western Royal Plaza Trade Center & Hotel. I am so excited to share the magic of self-care with thousands of attendees! Without further adieu, here's what I wrote: 

Have you ever felt overwhelmed, stressed, or burnt out? I’m going to take a wild guess and say yes. Maybe you’re even feeling one or all of those things right now. There’s no question that being an adult is a demanding task. Our days are full of responsibilities, work, family, and a desperate attempt at a social life. If you find yourself getting cold on the back burner more often than not, this article is for you. 

No matter how full your schedule is, you deserve to be a priority in your own life. You are worthy of having your needs met. Modern Self-Care was created to shift the way people perceive and care for themselves. If you envision massages, facials, and manicures when you think about self-care, you’re not alone. While those things can be great additions to your routine, they aren’t a solid foundation. The real magic is in the small moments of daily life - eating nourishing food, getting enough sleep, genuine human connection, and all of the little things that light you up. 

Why is self-care so important? Well, it's directly related to the way you feel about yourself and your life in general. It's your confidence, your self-esteem, your joy. It's your success and peace of mind. It's your energy and your freaking health. If you want more of those things, you're going to have to learn to put yourself first. 

Imagine a bonfire. It effortlessly provides light and heat to anyone around it - so long as you keep adding wood. Once you stop, the fire will die down and eventually burn out. No more light, no more heat. And have you ever tried to reignite charred wood? Good luck. Your self-care practice is a steady supply of wood that keeps your fire burning so that you AND everyone around you benefits. When you consider the beautiful ripple effect that putting yourself first creates, one could argue it’s the least selfish thing you can do. 

Speaking of a ripple effect, the vibration that you send into the world is powerful and has far more impact than you might imagine. Humans are energetic beings, and the best way to feel as good as you can as often as possible is to manage your own energy. A solid self-care practice is the simplest way to raise your vibration. Not only will your frequency influence those around you, it'll determine the people and situations that show up in your life. Feelings like guilt, anger, and resentment are all low-vibe states, and they're going to attract more of the same. Coincidentally, those are some of the emotions you may feel if you aren't prioritizing your wellbeing. 

One way to help manage your energy is with Reiki. We all have stored stress and trauma in our bodies, and that creates energetic blocks. Think about a river that was once free-flowing, but now has a dam blocking the water's movement. The stagnant water attracts algae, mosquitoes, and other insects like cockroaches. Yuck. You are probably holding onto some negative energy right now, even if you don't realize it. When we have stagnant energy stuck in our bodies, it can manifest as physical ailments, bad moods, poor social relationships, and so much more. 

So, what does self-care actually look like? Well, you tell me. What makes you feel good? What lights you up? What gives you energy? Coaches aren't meant to swoop in with all the answers; our expertise is in helping you find your own and holding you accountable to them. Of course there are some general guidelines I share, but it’s so important to find what works for YOU. How much of your life lights you up and has you excited to open your eyes each morning? My goal is for you to align your current reality with your ideal reality and create a life you don't need to escape from. 

By combining question-based coaching and Reiki energy healing, I help my clients leap into the best version of themselves, where joy is a daily vibe and not just some imaginary thing they're chasing. I want them to believe that anything is possible, because it is. 

If you’re ready to experience the freedom and expansion of a life where you get to be incredibly successful without needing to hustle or grind, visit Booth #37 at the expo! I’ll also be presenting my popular workshop, De-Funk Your Default Thoughts, on Sunday from 12:30-1:30 in Salon B. I can’t wait to guide you into the next best version of yourself. :) 

I have been telling myself this story that the only way for me to be successful is to recover from my mental health issues. I shared that I was scared to do the deep inner work that I know I need, because I was afraid I would discover that I am a fraud. Who the fuck am I to help people when my mental health still falls apart from time to time? 

Immediately, [my coach] Nick pointed out that for coaches, struggles in our area of expertise actually help us to teach it to other people because we get it, we've been there. No one is going to hire a coach who has never known depression to help them out of it. No one would hire a coach who has never struggled with food to help heal their relationship with it. No one is going to hire someone who doesn't understand body dysmorphia to help them overcome negative body image. 

We also talked about the fact that these days, there are a lot more conversations about mental health, but they focus on recovering from it instead of just living with it. I get that it sucks sometimes and we all want to find ways to live around it, but what if instead we searched for ways to live THROUGH it? Where are those conversations? I would love to consider myself recovered, and about 80 percent of the time I feel like I am. That other 20 percent, though? Shit. It's tough. 

Depression and anxiety are considered psychiatric disabilities under the Americans with Disabilities Act. However, we call them mental illnesses, and I don't know about you, but to me an illness sounds like something that you can recover from. Look up the word on Google and you'll find examples like cold and flu, diarrhea, headache, stomachache, mono, etc. Mental "illnesses" are chemical imbalances in our body and there is a possibility that we'll have them forever. Can we, then, stop seeing them as a sickness and start seeing them as a disability? 

Visual and hearing impairment are both disabilities, but we don't tell Blind or Deaf people to just "feel better" - we fucking accommodate their needs because we understand their situation is not temporary. On their end, they don't stop living their life because they have a disability - they learn to accept that this is the one body they're getting and they adapt. Often times they go on to do even more wonderful things than able-bodied people do because they are so so adaptable and resilient. Maybe we, the depressed community, can be inspired by them and decide not to let this mental disability hold us back. 

I've never defined myself as someone with a disability because I guess I just didn't think I was "disabled enough". As though there were only so many of those labels to go around and I didn't want to take it from someone who needed it more. I don't feel like I am disabled. I am still working on how to categorize this condition. I am blessed to have all my limbs, all five senses, and I am free from a laundry list of other possible disabilities. I "just" have mental illness - specifically, clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder. 

But here's the thing. A disability label is not a handicapped parking spot. It's not a finite resource; it's simply a reality for myself and thousands of other people. I'm not going to stop saying I'm a brunette just because a bunch of other people also have brown hair. There's room for all of us. Additionally, disability, like many other things in life, is a spectrum. There's no minimum level required to be considered for entry. 

I spent the day after our call thinking about how depression fits in my life. Yes, it is something I need to accommodate, maybe forever. But it is only one part of me, not my whole identity. Making my depression the foundation of everything in my life gives it too much power. It is not who I am. That is a huge distinction. I am not depressed; I have depression. I also have a hypermobile kneecap, but I've never once thought that I WAS a hypermobile kneecap. 

Another excellent point that Nick brought up was that although it is POSSIBLE that I will experience depression for the rest of my life, I don't know that for sure. Once you accept something as your fate - bad luck, for example - you are inviting more of it into your life. Of course we need to accept each current situation, but we do so with the understanding that no state is permanent. When you fall into the darkness of depression, make as much peace as you can with that darkness, and know that it is temporary. Remember the times when the lights were on and you will see that those are also temporary. Life is constant change. 

Depression has given me the opportunity to do deep inner work that other people don't even consider in their lifetime. If you have never struggled with mental health and you don't understand what it feels like to not be okay, then you don't have the same drive to get to a place where you feel okay. Experiencing depression has given me the motivation to seek something better and I would not be on the path that I am on right now, helping other people and raising the collective frequency, if I didn't have a reason to try to do that for myself. 

Depression is not a weakness, it is a fucking superpower. Shift your perspective. I realized something through all of this, and that is that I am grateful for my depression. I never thought I would say those words, but they are true and they are from the heart. I am even grateful for my struggles, because I learned lessons from them that I couldn't have gotten anywhere else. 

So I'm here to admit that I don't have it all figured out. But I have survived 100% of the challenges I've faced, and I can use the tools, skills, and strategies I've accumulated to help others with theirs. 

Action is wonderful. It creates clarity, confidence, progress, and satisfaction. And, as with most other things in life, it has a time and place. If you're feeling stuck or in need of a direction, take action. However, if you're feeling like you've got the cruise control set to 70 and there's a big curve ahead, tap the brakes.

2023 has been jam-packed with experiences and adventures, and it's only July. I've taken a lot of action, and now it's time to slow the eff down. Horse show season has been in full swing for a couple months, I'm five weeks into running my group program, and I just started offering in-person Reiki at a salon. My plate is FULL.

Which is why I just dropped out of a new program with my coach. We've been working together since February, and I've made a ton of progress. Originally when she offered me a spot in this next cohort, I said no. I had so much going on already and I wasn't sure I could spare a few hours a week to participate. Then I convinced myself that I got this far by taking action, so I must need to keep taking action. I joined the group. 

Not one full week into her program, I knew something was off. I spent some time thinking it over and realized I need to integrate everything that has happened over the past 6 months. I have done and learned so much, but I need to allow those things to really sink in and become a part of me before I attempt to pick anything else up. 

I'm here to remind you that rest is productive. We get caught up in the idea that action = productivity but then forget that resting is an action. Slow down. Make time for the things that bring you joy. Your goals are important, but not more so than your wellbeing.

I hope you're taking good care of yourself or there, this summer and always. You're worth it. ❤️

You may know that in addition to being a coach and Reiki practitioner, I also braid horses. Actually, I've been doing that WAY longer...about 23 years. Of course it hasn't all been rainbows and butterflies, but with only 3 major incidents in that time, I've had a good record. 

I want to give you a little backstory so you have context for the "main course" story. Warning: it's not a happy backstory.

When I was about 20 I got pushed by a trainer to keep braiding a horse from whom I should have walked away. The tragic ending of that long story is that the horse got spooked and reared, flipped over, and died on the spot. I had made it all the way through her mane and was braiding her forelock (the horse's "bangs") when it happened.

After that trauma, I stopped braiding for a couple years. Then I started competing again, which meant braiding my own horse, and the rest is history. But I assure you, I think about that mare Every. Single. Time. I braid a forelock. Yes, even 18 years and more than a thousand forelocks later. 

This year has been full of little nudges from the universe, leading me to believe I'm about ready for another break from this work. It's intense, both physically and mentally. The hours are long and overnight. The travel is non-stop. However, the money has kept me comfortably afloat while I build a business from the ground up. That part is harder to walk away from.

Well, when the nudges didn't seem to be landing, the universe stepped up its game. Last week I was braiding a horse who was unknown to me, but seemed quiet and calm. I did her whole mane without issue. As soon as I started her forelock, she reared and struck out with her front hooves, one of which connected with my mouth. There was no warning - and believe me, I'm no stranger to equine body language. I never saw that coming.

After 8 hours in the ER and some emergency dental work, I'm okay, I have all my teeth, and I'm INCREDIBLY grateful that it wasn't worse. My wallet isn't available for comment...it's hiding from the medical bills. Haha.

So, between getting a double-barrel kick that sent me airborne 10 months ago and this past weekend, I've decided to keep my feet on the ground for a while. 16 years of smooth sailing followed by 2 major incidents essentially back to back? Message received. Not to mention all the other, smaller signs along the way.

There is a part two to this story, but it's only just begun. Check back in a couple weeks for the much happier sequel. Stay safe out there!

I knew last week's story was going to have a part two, and the way things are unfolding it seems even that's only the beginning. Without turning this blog into a novella, allow me to summarize. 

Knowing I'd be off my ladder for a while (which I now know is 4 months), I asked the universe for a sign that I would be okay without braiding. Specifically, I asked to receive unexpected money. Here I was thinking maybe I'd find a dime on the ground, but oh no. The universe was done with subtlety. Not 3 minutes after my ask, a neighbor approached me about walking her dog while she gets a hip replacement. Hello, unexpected money!

Turns out, I really love dog walking. It combines some of my favorite things - dogs, walking, and being outside. I'm very casually looking to add a few local clients and make this a part-time gig. Why not?!?

In less exciting news, my mouth & face are still in a lot of pain, and my bite is off. My dentist seems hesitant to fix it, but I'm going to make sure that when this is over the result is a feeling I can live with forever. I'm going to a craniosacral therapist next week, and possibly another dentist if need be. Don't sell me invisalign for my bottom teeth when they're not the problem. Fix the problem, please and thank you.

Anyway, back to the good stuff. I'm about to get a little "woo woo," but I promise what I'm about to say is absolutely my true experience. 

I had a Reiki treatment yesterday - even though I give myself Reiki almost daily, I still like to have regular sessions with my teacher. As soon as she began, I could sense that someone was in the room with us. I was lying down with my eyes closed and an eye mask on, but you know how sometimes you can just feel a presence? She was at my head and someone was on the other side of the room. It was unmistakable. I even heard shuffling - sort of like footsteps but not as distinct. 

I didn't say anything out loud, but in my head I asked, "Who's there?" My Gram has come to me before during Reiki, but only as a voice in my head. This presence was in the room, and it felt like I could have sat up and witnessed it. 

As soon as I asked, this wave of knowing moved through my body. Pretty Girl, the horse who died all those years ago, had come to check on me. She was okay, and her mane was no longer braided. I saw her face above me. She stayed in the room for a little while and her energy was so beautiful. 

She showed me a picture of a latch hook tattooed behind my ear. When she died I had talked about getting a tattoo on the back of my neck to honor her, but I never did it. I definitely wouldn't have chosen a latch hook - I saw that as the thing that killed her, because it's what caused her to rear. 

My confusion was met with the adamant energy of a chestnut mare - if you know, you know. The latch hook didn't kill her. I didn't kill her. She was free, and she was coming to set me free. I hadn't realized how much guilt I had still been holding onto. Although it's likely I'll always be able to recall that night in vivid detail, that no longer has to be how I remember her.

You can find peace in unexpected places, if only you're open to the possibility. I am so grateful for yesterday's experience, and for all of the wonderful ripples that have come from this situation. The universe truly is conspiring in my favor. ❤️

A lot can happen in two weeks. A lot has happened in two weeks! As weird as this is to say, I never meant for this blog to turn into a place for life updates. I understand the irony - that's what most blogs are for. However, I always thought I would be able to share more valuable words than just, "here's what I've been up to." The funny thing is, the stuff I've been up to has come with some SUPER valuable lessons and experiences, so let's get into it!

I'm truly enjoying my walks with the neighbor's dog, crazy little skittish thing that she is. I also picked up another job through Rover.com, which may be both the first and the last, haha. I have a few issues with the platform, so I think I'll stick with word of mouth for now. I'm also trying not to spread myself too thin juggling all of my schedules. I wish everything could sync with a google calendar!

The Displaced Tooth Saga continues, of course, so let's get that out of the way. I got a second opinion from a wonderful dentist who informed me that general dentists, as a rule, don't move teeth. Turns out my Mediocre White Man dentist just didn't want to admit that to me when he busted out the power tools to grind down my bottom teeth. Ugh. Fortunately he didn't do much additional damage, and I am going to see an orthodontist tomorrow. They move teeth for a living, so I'm pretty hopeful! I'm so glad that I advocated for myself and didn't just believe the person who wouldn't listen to me.

I've had two appointments with a craniosacral therapist, which were very interesting. I do believe they were helpful, although I'll admit I'm still not 100% sure what they heck craniosacral therapy is. If I had to describe it, I would say it felt like a cross between Reiki and the gentlest sports massage ever. I'll do my research eventually, but given that the recommendation to go was from someone I trust very much, I kinda just ran with it!

Moving on to more exciting things: I was a vendor at the CT Psychic and Beyond expo this past weekend. It was my first time having an assistant who was not my husband, and also my first time offering Reiki at an expo. Two of my clients from Your Brightest Self (who happen to also be my friends), came to help run my table and talk with attendees while I was in sessions. Shout out to Jess and Crista, you ladies rock! Thank you! I gave Reiki to 15 beautiful people over the course of 2 days, so I was pretty spent energetically but in the best way. I got some of the most amazing feedback, and I also had a handful of people sign up for my upcoming 5-day challenge. I'm calling that expo a MAJOR success!

I'm so in love with the trajectory of my business. Every step forward is a reminder of how freaking aligned it was to shift into self-care. And every day is an opportunity to lean more and more into my own routines and rituals. This work is absolutely, unequivocally, life-changing. I witnessed it firsthand Sunday morning.

On my way to the expo, all of the lights on my dash suddenly lit up like a Christmas tree. I had no idea what was going on, but I knew I had to get off the highway. Fortunately, the stars were aligned in my favor (because of course they were!). There was a park and ride at the next exit, my husband was not only home but awake and available, and I was still only 15 minutes from our house. He came to swap cars with me because mine seemed okay for a short drive, and I took his to CT. I'm still not sure what the problem is, but maybe a fuse issue? Fingers crossed it's that easy.

Anyway, while I was waiting for Josh and googling my car's "symptoms," I noticed that my stomach was doing flips. I was nervous, understandably, but I realized that wasn't helping the situation. I asked myself, "What do I need in this moment?" I took a few deep breaths, then placed my hands on my chest and applied some pressure. I've been using this grounding technique for a while now and it is so helpful! I reminded myself that I am okay and I'm going to be okay. I started to feel calmer, and the wildest thing happened - I actually started to feel grateful for the situation! I thought about how this is a real-life example of the power of self-care. Knowing how to care for yourself, meet your needs, and regulate your nervous system makes ALL the difference in situations like those. When I think about how I would have handled the same thing even just a couple years ago - ugh, no thank you.

I hope that you are showing up for yourself today. I hope that your needs are met and that you're never afraid to advocate for yourself. And if you want more calming techniques like the one I described, go send this download straight to your inbox. :)

Do you hear that? Ahhh, me neither. I'm coming to you today from the relative silence of my home. Josh is outside doing yard work, all three pups are napping, and the only sound is our AC (thanks, September, for sneaking in a few extra 100 degree days). This is such a welcome shift after an incredibly busy week and a half, and I've been filled with gratitude all damn day.

Speaking of a shift, lately I've felt like something inside of me is just...different. I have this incredible feeling that I can't miss. I've been making some moves and trying new things, and it all just feels so aligned and so ME. I used to have trouble with allowing and receiving, because I always felt like I needed to be in control, and I had tied my worth to what I could give others. Breaking away from those limiting beliefs has opened me up for so much peace and contentment.

I want to share something that I heard for the first time several years ago, but didn't truly step into until this year:
What is meant for you cannot miss you.

This came up for me last week when I found money in the street as I was walking a dog. I find dimes and pennies on a regular basis, and I always thank the universe for sending me "bonus" money. Earlier that day I had thought, "It's odd that I haven't found any coins in a week or two." I then reminded myself that the universe had found other ways to send me money - and more of it. I soaked in the gratitude of this new dog walking gig and how freaking cool it is to get paid for something that I love to do. A few hours later, as this pup led me around his neighborhood, I happened to look down when he stopped to sniff something. There, in the middle of the road, was a $20 bill. I said, out loud, "You have GOT to be freaking kidding me!" Laughing my ass off, I profusely thanked the universe for showing me that it is always conspiring in my favor, even if things don't always look the way I expect them to.

Of course this incident got me thinking about other ways that the universe has played the long game. I'll share a couple with you here.

When Josh and I made a pit stop in VA on our way home from Disney in 2019, we fully expected to use the bathroom, get gas, and drive the last 90 minutes to our hotel for the night. Instead, we found a soaking wet, starving, very sick dog who we absolutely could not leave behind. Acquiring a Phoenix has changed our lives in so many ways, and was the catalyst for me starting my own business. The life I love so much today began as a year of incredibly stressful, ridiculously expensive rehabilitation for this very special dog. He continues to be an inspiration and a near-constant source of joy in my life.

Back in 2016, while Josh and I were planning our wedding, a lot of vendors told us 2 years in advance was too early to book. Heck, we couldn't technically book our ceremony venue until something like 8 months prior. But I wanted to get as much out of the way as possible and kept at it. We met with this one photographer who not only loved our early planning, but offered to come to FL with us so that we wouldn't have to hire a separate vendor. It was a dream come true, and that would have been enough. However, Paul quickly became not only a close friend but part of the family. He's like the brother I never had, and I am SO freaking grateful that our paths crossed when they did. By the way, if you're reading this and happen to be on the market for a wedding photographer, go check him out! Tell him I sent you and he'll throw in a free rant about how much he hates candy corn.

The more I think back, the more examples I can come up with. A lot of times we get hung up on looking for serendipity in the moment, but I invite you to follow the threads of your life back to where they originated and appreciate how the small, seemingly insignificant moments can sometimes cause the biggest ripples. The universe is conspiring in your favor, but you've gotta let it do what it does. It's not an instant gratification machine, but if you're willing to play the long game you'll find that the things that are meant for you will absolutely find you, one way or another.

You know the saying, when it rains, it pours? Of course you do. Well, it's pouring here, and I'm doing my best to dance in the rain.

Cliches aside, the second half of summer has been quite eventful for me. I got kicked in the face, which left me to trade my braiding income for a pile of bills. I brought my car in for what I thought was a small issue - turns out it's the transmission. And then I had some personal issues that I won't get into here - I'll just say some bridges are more complicated to burn than others.

I don't know how I'm holding it together, but I do know I have years of inner work and personal growth to thank. If all of this had happened to me even a couple of years ago, I would have been down for the count.

My nervous system tends toward flight and freeze responses. The fact that I chose to stay home instead of taking a long-planned vacation, and continue to take action instead of getting sucked into the couch, is astounding. Even I am surprised by myself.

THIS is why we do the work. Why we change, even though it's uncomfortable. The results aren't always immediately evident, but when a season like this rolls around and we handle it with some semblance of grace - it's all worthwhile.

I want to share something I've been doing lately that I think is helpful to anyone, in any season. A lot of people, myself included, talk about taking aligned action. Do something that moves the needle on a goal. Do things that align with your values and support the person you are becoming. That's all well and good, AND...

Recently I've learned that sometimes you just have to take ANY action. Move your body. Honestly, cleaning has been my go-to activity. If I can wash a couple dishes, do a load of laundry, or vacuum even one room, I'm already up and creating momentum. Getting outside is also super helpful for me, which tracks because I was a woodland elf in a past life.

I've said this to many a client, and I'll say it to you: You don't have to eat the frog first. Sure, if that works for you, get it done and out of the way. But if you know you're going to need more oomph than you can currently muster, there is zero shame in easing yourself into a task.

Oh, and one last thing! Remember that resting when you need to IS an action. In fact, sometimes it's the most aligned one you can take. ❤️

For the past couple weeks, I've been promoting Your Brightest Self. That means I sent a lot more emails than usual, and I am eternally grateful to the universe for gifting me ideas each day. Genuinely, sometimes words pour through me and even I don't know where they came from.

I'd like to share some snippets from the emails here, so that everyone has access to them. My intention every time I hit send is to provide my community with value and the space to think outside the box. Even if you never sign up for one of my offers, I want you to get something out of just being here. Your time and attention are incredibly important, and it's an honor to share in them with you.

Without further adieu, here's the first message:

I've been on my own personal growth journey for years now, and I've learned so much from so many people. I know I talk a lot about going within and listening to your own wisdom, but there's more to it. There are times when we find our inner voice outside of ourselves.

For instance, a person might say something that just REALLY hits home. The resonance lasts far longer than the actual conversation. I realized today that when this happens, it's because those people are giving a voice to our higher selves.

Have you ever heard or read something that had perfect timing? Something that stops you in your tracks because you hadn't realized how much you needed it until you found it? The universe knows when to drop little nuggets in your path, whether they be "downloads" that show up your brain or words that you consume.

This is all the more reason to be intentional about the people you give your attention to. Open yourself up to these bits of wisdom and Aha! moments by minimizing the stuff that doesn't resonate. There is so much content available between social media, television, and podcasts that there's no reason not to walk away from the ones that aren't aligned with you.

I truly believe that we hear the things we need to...when we're open and ready for it, of course. Pay attention to what breaks through the noise and what really sticks. Your higher self is speaking to you in those moments, and they don't always repeat themselves.

Remember when you were a kid, and people got SO excited over every little thing you did? What happened to that? As adults, there's a lot more that's expected of us and a lot less fanfare. While it might be weird to have a celebration just for pooping on the potty, your inner child could totally go for some more celebration, in general.

There are plenty of studies that show joy as having a positive effect on our health. Not just mental health, either. Happiness and joy improve sleep, lower blood pressure, strengthen your immune system, and counteract the effects of stress. They also make you less susceptible to disease and pain, AND they help you live longer.

Something else happens when you choose joy: Your brain begins to seek it out. If you start to celebrate even the tiniest things, you'll discover more and more reasons to throw yourself a little party. You are habitually late but you were on time today? Fiesta! You knew *exactly* what you wanted for dinner? Shindig! You finally started the project you've been putting off? Jamboree!

Pair those little joyful moments with a physical reaction - a fist pump, a whoop, whatever floats your boat - and you'll engage muscle memory as well. Before you know it, you won't be able to NOT celebrate yourself.

The ability to shout your wins from the rooftops is a valuable skill to develop. First, find a celebration style that feels good for YOU (because not all of us enjoy a huge display). Then acknowledge ALL of your wins...nothing is too small. If you want big wins, you need to celebrate the small ones. No one steps into a gym for the first time and heads straight to a 300lb barbell. Spend some time with those 5lb dumbbells and work yourself up.

Last week I shared a request from your inner child, and now I want to share one from your outer child. As in, your actual children. The next generation. Even if you don't have kids, which I don't, we as adults are still setting an example and representing what is possible.

I have 2 nieces and a nephew. I have friends who have kids. I used to babysit when I was younger. In short, I am extremely aware of how sensitive kids are, and how very much they pick up on. They are constantly watching us and learning how to become fully grown humans.

To put it bluntly: If you don't practice self-care, your kids won't learn to. You stretching yourself too thin and burning the candle at both ends is only teaching them to do the same. It's perpetuating generational trauma, and for what? So they can grow up and humble brag about how busy they are, how packed their schedule is, and how stressed they feel? Wow, what a gift to pass down.

When you burn yourself out trying to be all the things to all the people, you become bitter and resentful. Why does everyone else have what they need, but not you? When is it going to be your turn? My friend, your turn is NOW. It has to be. Show your kids what is possible when you prioritize your own wellbeing. Show yourself what is possible.

For someone with no maternal instinct, I am incredibly passionate about this conversation. Whether or not you are a parent, I hope you take it into consideration. I hope that you start acting like the most important person in your life. How the fuck are we supposed to teach kids to see their value when we can't see our own?

I say this with so much love: You are valuable. You are worthy. You deserve more than you are allowing yourself. And I promise to continue to see the light in you until you are ready to shine it outward.

I was listening to a podcast recently that brought up two very good points. I want to share them, and also throw in my two cents.

The first concept is thinking on purpose. Instead of allowing your thoughts to have complete freedom and dominate your mind, take back some control! Make a conscious decision to set boundaries around what you are willing to think. What thoughts do you choose to allow, and which ones do you simply not have room for?

The second idea is choosing to believe something simply because it feels good. I still believe in Santa, even though I was quite young when I realized that he is logistically impossible (even with time zones). What I believe in is the spirit of kindness and generosity, with the added elements of surprise and delight. It's a choice, and I hold that belief because it feels good.

I don't have to know you personally to know that right now, you are holding onto a belief that doesn't feel good. I am, too. We all are. It's a habit, but that doesn't make it good or helpful.

Honestly, these two points go hand in hand. Our beliefs shape our thoughts, our thoughts shape our actions, and our actions create our reality. Right now, let's take a moment to release one icky thought and purposely replace it with one that feels good. Oh, and don't you dare think about dandelions. Now close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and shift that thought!

...

Your mind went STRAIGHT to a dandelion, didn't it? That's why you have to focus on the new thoughts, not the ones you want to kick to the curb. Thinking about not thinking about something is still thinking about it. And yes, I swear that sentence makes sense.

So, what do you choose to believe today? What thoughts are you choosing to allow? Shoot me a message and let's talk about it!

Have you ever stopped to think about how you got where you are today? How you became this particular version of yourself?

I can't be the only one who enjoys following the threads of my life. As someone who has battled with mental illnesses, eating disorders, burnout, and plenty of other challenges, I can't help but to be amazed by the person I am right now. Ultimately I'm grateful for every struggle because it made me seek out a better life - much like the one I currently have.

If you've always been comfortable and content, maybe you can't relate. There's no need to go digging when you already have what you want. However, if you've ever felt driven to find something more, something better - know that I see you, and I understand.

People like us are curious; we want to understand why our brains work the way they do, and why we act the way we do. We dive down rabbit holes of personal development and inner work. We resurface with so many amazing insights, armloads of information, and renewed awareness of the world around us.

There is a responsibility that comes with this journey, and that is to share our findings with others. There is a calling to make someone else's load lighter, because imagine how freeing that would have felt for you. You get to be the person you needed when you were younger. In fact, that's why I decided to become a coach.

My purpose is in helping those people who know there is a better way but can't seem to find it. The ones who have taken so many damn paths, all of which lead in a circle. It's my job to turn their compass inward. The answers you need are already a part of you. Don't spend your whole life on this external wild goose chase. Slow down, take a breath, and check in with your own wisdom.

How would it feel to have more energy, be more productive, and actually enjoy the process? It all starts with being willing to make yourself a priority in your own life. Are you up for the adventure? Schedule a virtual coffee with me and let's talk about it!

A recent addition to my self-care toolkit has simultaneously been the simplest and most effective action. It's so easy, you're going to think I'm nuts (until you try it).

Here it is: intentionally acknowledge when you are practicing self-care. That's it!

Whether you are preparing a meal, taking a shower, or going to bed on time, just say, "This is self-care." Feel free to get more creative with the wording, and play around with saying it both out loud and in your head. Everything is an experiment!

The inspiration came to me because I was thinking about how powerful it is to name emotions, and also because calling things out brings attention to them.

Not only are you naming and reframing the task at hand, you're turning your focus to just how many acts of self-care you practice in a day. Every time you do something to meet your needs - from making coffee in your favorite mug to peeing it out - and every time you set your future self up for success. "This is self-care."

When I say self-care doesn't have to be complicated or time-consuming, this is the stuff I mean. Mindset is such an important (though often overlooked) piece of the puzzle, which is why I love working on it!

I hope you've enjoyed the last several weeks of entries. I'm grateful to have this space to share my thoughts with you! Working directly with a coach is incredibly powerful, but free content like this can be too, if you really absorb and integrate it.

I'm happy to provide quality free content, because I'm well aware that coaching isn't cheap. But, when you think about it, there are some things you don't want to be. Cheap furniture falls apart, cheap cars break down (sometimes they also fall apart), and cheap insurance costs more in the long run. Most often in life, you get what you pay for.

Instead of looking at price tags, look for value. Those $200 sneakers will last much longer - and be better for your back - than a cheapo $20 pair. The work you do with a coach will last a lifetime. It's not like they take your transformation back after you're done.

Okay, but what's so valuable about a coach, anyway? If you've never worked with one, maybe it's not apparent to you. Here are some of the things they can offer that you won't find on your own. Actually, allow me to speak for myself, because I don't want to say that all coaches are the same.

There is so much value in:

Time. Working with a coach helps you reach goals and transform more quickly than you ever could alone. It's not just about the time we spend together, it's also the time you're saving by taking a shortcut to results.

Energy. As you'll learn, everything is energy and energy is everything! There is no substitute for being on a live call, or even having a real-time conversation through messages. Knowing someone is right there with you, holding space, guiding you, and cheering you on, is incredibly powerful. Nevermind the fact that working with me also includes Reiki energy healing sessions. Those are pure magic!

Attention. I keep my groups small on purpose, so that everyone gets an individualized experience. I want to make sure each person feels heard and seen.

Of course, there's also course content, which you could technically research on your own. But that's not what sets me apart. The difference is my perspective, along with real-life examples from someone who has spent time integrating this information.

Finally, the one ingredient that really helps my knowledge and experience to shine is you! Having your specific situations and examples is exactly what I need to put my brain into action. A chef can have a kitchen full of tools and an exhausting list of skills, but without someone to cook for, what's the point?!? My clients bring me so much purpose, joy, and fulfillment.

If you're curious about working together, I invite you to schedule a virtual coffee with me! These 30-minute conversations are free, with absolutely NO pressure or expectations. I'll see you soon! 😘

I have a meditation app that tracks how many days in a row I use it. Recently I had a pretty good streak going, and then I missed a day. Well, according to the app I missed a day, at least. I would argue that my streak is intact.

See, there's more than one way to meditate. Choosing to be present and mindful, whether or not there is a specific background track, is meditation. Being in flow state is meditation. When there are so many ways to get the same benefits, why limit yourself to one of them?

This is where having a routine is not the same as having a ritual. My normal routine each morning is to get up, take care of the dogs, and then park it on the couch to meditate. The house is still quiet, the day is just beginning...it's perfect. Except for when I wake up bursting with energy - which does not happen often but did happen last week.

That day, I skipped my morning routine in favor of walking the dogs right away. Usually when a routine gets shaken up, the pieces of it don't happen elsewhere. A ritual, however, is something you make time for regardless of what the day looks like. Think about this: no matter how crazy your schedule is, you always find time to brush your teeth. That, my friend, is a ritual.

I still made time to meditate that day, just in a different way. There may have been a break in my routine, but my ritual is strong. I hope by now you know that this post is not just about meditation. That was simply an example to convey the fact that you will make time for what is important to you - and that there's often more than one way to accomplish something.

Routines can be done on autopilot. They're habits, muscle memory, subconscious. Rituals are intentional. You consciously choose to include them. Consider the difference as you move through your day today...what parts of your actions are routine? What rituals do you have? What are your non-negotiables?

Whatever you do, be sure to make self-care a ritual. Prioritize taking care of yourself and meeting your needs so that you don't fall into a routine of burning out. Self-care doesn't have to be fancy or complicated, but it does need to be intentional and consistent. I promise you're worth it. ❤️

For years, November has been a pretty quiet month for me. Horse show season is over in the northeast, and there's a bit of free time before the holidays come crashing in. This year, however, has been nothing like the rest. Honestly, right from the start, 2023 felt different, but there was no predicting all of the curveballs and plot twists.

It's absolutely no surprise, then, that November was a whirlwind. It was chaos, and only somewhat controlled. Honestly, looking back at my calendar, the chaos began the last week of September.

Yesterday I finally had a day completely off, and it was marvelous. I barely got out of my robe, because I knew if I got dressed I would start doing things, and that was NOT the plan. It was a total rest day, and it was so effing necessary.

Today, I feel good and I'm back to things like walking dogs and writing blogs. But it's more than just taking a rest day, and that's ultimately what I want to talk about.

During all of the almost 10-week rollercoaster, even when it was hard, I stayed present. I allowed my feelings to surface. I experienced the moments and sensations as they happened. This was a very intentional practice, and one of which I had to keep reminding myself.

My reflex - and maybe also yours - is to freeze up and just "get through it." Whether it's a tough situation or a busy few months. But I know that we can't thrive in a survival state, and I didn't want to compromise my wellbeing just because I was faced with more abundance than I knew how to handle.

Staying present can be difficult if you're not used to it, and uncomfortable even if you are. But I already know the alternative, which is coming out of the spiral and feeling like it's my first day on Earth and I'm starting fresh. Which also means I'm behind, because everyone else has been going about their lives while I've been in freeze state.

This is one of those blogs that's coming straight from my brain to the page, and I'm sure I'll have more coherent thoughts on this topic once I sit with it for a bit. However, there's no better time to share these thoughts than a season where so many of us tend to just freeze up and get through it.

Be present in December - even when it's hard, even when it sucks, even when you're tired. Feel it. Acknowledge it. Accept it as your current reality. From there you can make changes and improvements - because you will truly know what feels good and what doesn't.

The universe is always speaking to us and through us. Have you ever said something wise and then immediately wondered how the hell you came up with it? Next time, thank divine intervention.

One day I was out running errands, and I was NOT in a good mental space. I sat in my car for a bit between stops and worked through what I had been struggling with. I cried and probably made some fun noises - yelling in the middle of a parking lot draws attention, but growling does not and feels just as cathartic. Ask me how I know. 😘

Anyway, the next place I went, I parked next to a white Jeep. As I pulled in, I swore I read the word "compassion" on the fender. Obviously that's not the model of the car - it was a Compass - but the universe showed me exactly what I needed to see. And it's true, isn't it? Compassion is a compass.

The latter is a tool we use to navigate physical space. The former is a tool we use to navigate emotional space. Of course I would receive that message while I was lost in a forest of emotions.

You probably find it easier to offer compassion to others than yourself. The literal meaning of the word is "suffer together." But consider how multifaceted you are. How many aspects of yourself exist at the same time, in the same space. Perhaps there is a piece of you that can hold space and care for the part that is suffering. A piece that can be a beacon, a lighthouse, for you to walk home to.

The next time you find yourself needing compassion, see if you can offer some to yourself. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and search yourself for an ounce of calm. A half an ounce. Anything you can hold onto and carry as you navigate back to comfort.

Of course, still reach out for help. Always reach out for help when you need it. I'm just suggesting being an active part of your healing, and seeing how it feels. If you try it, let me know what you think! My inbox is always open for messages.

In honor of my first (and hopefully only) root canal, let's talk about root causes this week.

If you've never gone down this rabbit hole before, let me give you a quick summary: Beliefs become thoughts, which become actions, which become reality. So if you're hoping to change something about your reality, most likely you've gotta dive deeper than the surface.

A foundational piece of self-care is knowing yourself. Once you understand how you function and what feels good to you, it's second nature to accommodate your needs. This is why just going through the motions, or doing the things you're "supposed" to doesn't last. It's not sustainable because your heart's not in it.

Someone who grew up learning the importance of serving others might have a deep-seated belief that their own needs come second (or third, or not at all). As they get older and acquire more responsibilities, self-care might take a back burner or get cut out entirely.

There may be feelings of guilt or shame around prioritizing their own needs, because so many others are depending on them. How could they possibly spend their time and energy so selfishly?!?

In this situation - which might sound pretty familiar to you - jumping right into a self-care routine can actually be a disservice. Going through the motions without addressing the mindset around them is a recipe for failure.

Sure, you would be all in for a week or two, and the results you feel would be genuine, but soon those old beliefs would take over and you'd be back to square one.

I am ridiculously passionate about helping my clients shift their beliefs FIRST and their actions second. It's the only thing that has worked for me, and the only way to keep from falling back into old habits. Sure, everyone slips from time to time, but when you believe - without a shadow of a doubt - that you are worthy of self-care, and that you deserve to have your needs met, you never fully fall.

How consistent is your self-care practice? What are your thoughts and beliefs about it? I would love to hear from you! Send me an email or shoot me a message and let's talk! 😊

Self-care, on paper, is always pleasant. It's a good feeling to know that your needs are met and you are taken care of. And when you consider all the things we're sold in the name of self-care, it sounds downright luxurious. Massages and facials and spa days, oh my!

The reality is that real self-care is much smaller and more frequent than the occasional day of pampering. It's a compilation of daily behaviors like eating nutritious food, getting good sleep, and setting healthy boundaries.

Honestly, sometimes in the moment self-care feels like responsibility. It can be challenging to make sure your needs are met when you're the one in charge of meeting them. That doesn't make it any less important, and sometimes you need to be willing to give yourself tough love.

The same way a parent tells their child to eat their vegetables, or makes them wear a warm coat when it's cold out, you need to step up and be firm with yourself. Think not only of your current situation, but of your future self. What decision or action would be best for them? Would they be grateful for your behavior right now?

Having this third-person perspective can be helpful because it detaches you from...well, you. Most of us find caring for others a whole lot easier than caring for ourselves. When you can imagine a future version of yourself, they become someone else. And you can make good decisions for someone else!

All of this came up for me because we had torrential rain and wind on Monday, and I was in full hibernation mode. I did make it out of pajamas, but I did NOT want to leave the house. The reality is, I have 3 dogs who spent the day cooped up and really wanted to walk once the rain stopped. I didn't think too hard about it as I suited up and prepared to take them. I detached and reminded myself that this was good for ALL of us.

You know what? I really enjoyed our walks. First the two hooligans, and then my little guy who thinks he's a human. The wind was still wild, but it was refreshing after being indoors all day. Normally I don't consider dog walks to be self-care, because that's their time. But Monday's walks were fulfilling for everyone. I'm grateful they're here to hold me accountable.

If you don't have accountability dogs, try substituting people! 🙃 Even though being an adult means you are essentially your own parent, it doesn't mean you can't have external support. Lean on friends, family, coworkers, and coaches to help you become the best version of yourself.

Our Foxhound has chronic kidney disease, and his latest blood test results last week weren't good. After almost 4 years of holding steady, the disease has progressed. My husband and I are handling the news as best we can, but it's stressful.

On Saturday, the day after talking with his vet, Phoenix just wanted to snuggle. Most likely he sensed we were upset and was trying to comfort us. I technically had a to-do list for the day, but nothing was mandatory except my bar shift at 4:00. Not wanting to say no to our sweet boy, I settled in with my coffee, a book, and a 65-pound lap dog. Three hours later, he woke up from his nap and I was finally able to pee. Haha.

Today, I am writing from my phone on the couch, where our Bichon Odysseus is snuggled next to me. His stomach is upset - if you listen closely, you can probably hear it gurgle - and all he wants is to be held and cuddled. He has spent all 11 years of his life getting whatever he wants, and I am certainly not going to deny him now.

I thought absolutely nothing of clearing my schedule for either of these pups in their times of need. It is fortunate that I can do some work from my phone, but even if I couldn't...a couple hours means a lot more to them than it does to us.

Even if you don't have dogs, I'm sure you can relate to this story. There are kids, parents, siblings, or other pets that you wouldn't hesitate to make time for. So why not you?

Why does it feel so difficult to make time for ourselves? Maybe if we practice doing it in small, frequent doses, we can build up to "wasting" a few hours on the couch with a good book. And honestly, let's change the language around the time spent. You are, truly, investing a few hours in yourself.

Rest is productive. Self-care is necessary. You cannot give what you don't have, so make sure you are consistently replenishing all the love, attention, and care that you dole out so freely to others. Oh, and if someone is offering to help take care of you, accept it! You are worthy of being cared for, and take it from my dogs - sometimes it's the best remedy out there.

I can barely believe it's been a year since I started writing this blog - and since I began this list. Looking back, 2023 was a whirlwind and a rollercoaster - I wouldn't trade it for the world. Even though there was plenty of struggle and pain, the growth that came out of it all is unparalleled.

To say I accomplished things that I had only dreamed of would be a lie - my whole life I said I would NEVER run a marathon. That was less a dream and more a crazy spontaneous idea I got carried away with. I also had zero plans to become a Reiki master - until one day I found myself signing up for the class and had to add it to the list.

Not every goal was quite so grand - one of my first intentions was to catch up on reading a magazine that I was literally 2 years behind on. The stack of Reader's Digest beside my bed had been taunting me for months, and it was finally time to move through them. When I finished, it felt just as good as checking one of the bigger items off my list.

Anyway, here's the complete list, in the order they were accomplished. I am beyond proud of myself for sticking to it, and I'm already excited to see what I come up with in 2024.

Rebrand my business

Sing Satisfied at karaoke

Start & maintain a blog

Finish the Providence marathon

Become a Reiki master

Catch up on Reader's Digest

Run the first round of Your Brightest Self

Finish the Narragansett half marathon

Boudoir photo shoot

Get a tattoo

Have zero debt on January 1st

In full transparency: A few things got booted off the list because it no longer made sense to keep them. These are not failures because I made conscious decisions to skip them in favor of things that felt better aligned.

Hike Mt. Washington - I was not in the right place, physically or mentally, to both accomplish and enjoy this on the weekend I had planned for it. Although I was bummed to put it off, this undoubtedly felt like the best decision.

Take an improv class - This, from the beginning, was a conditional item. I would only do it if it fit my schedule (without missing any classes), and it genuinely never did. However, I recently signed up for a class that begins in January, so I'm excited that it is finally happening!

Meet an income goal - Between braiding, coaching, and Reiki, there was an amount that I had been hoping to reach. It didn't take long for me to scrap this idea, as I realized financial goals don't feel great for me. Instead I chose to redefine what success would look like in each of those areas.

What were your goals for 2023? How did they pan out for you? Let me know! I love to talk about this stuff. 🥰 And if you want help meeting your goals in 2024, you've come to the right place. Guidance and accountability are kinda my jam. That and raspberry jam. Schedule a virtual coffee with me and start crushing your goals today!

I've been working through a LOT lately, and it's impacting my ability to be a fully-functioning adult. This is a season of more no than yes, and I refuse to apologize for it.

A couple days ago, it hit me that I've gotten used to November and December being a bit more laid-back. Horse show season in New England wraps up in October, and in past years I have spent those last two months resting, recovering, and preparing for a new year ahead.

Obviously my horse show season was cut short this year, and I decided (for so many reasons other than getting kicked) to walk away from braiding for a while. I accidentally became a dog walker, which I love, and I got back into bartending, which I've missed for a decade. The perfect storm of finding two amazing opportunities in pretty much the same week made for a WILD ride through the end of 2023.

As grateful as I was for everything the Universe dropped into my lap, I found myself counting the weeks until January, when, allegedly, things would calm down a bit. However, when the new year came and my temporary holiday gig went, I was still facing a packed calendar.

I wouldn't say that I'm headed toward burnout, but I did get swept up in the current of a rushing river. Having noticed that, it's time for me to intentionally put my feet down and get some traction. It's time for me to whittle my schedule down to the bare minimum and prioritize recovery. It's time for me to honor the complete sentence that is: NO.

Will it be two weeks or two months? I'm not sure. Healing takes the time it needs. I still have big goals in 2024, and I'm absolutely certain that this downtime is exactly the right action to move me toward them. I'm allowing myself time to acclimate and integrate all the changes and new things in my life before I add more.

Expect to see fewer emails, blog entries, and social media posts during this time. I'm not cutting myself off entirely - if there's something I feel called to share, I will. My coaching calendar will be closed for the time being, although my Reiki calendar is still open (for now). Thank you for understanding, and I hope that if you are also feeling a pull to hibernate that this is the inspiration and permission you need to do so. See you on the other side. ✌🏻