When I decided that 2023 would be the year I stretched my comfort zone, I didn't realize it would also be the year I began to hold myself ridiculously accountable.

Starting a blog isn't even *technically* on my list - which I'll share in a moment - but I have been toying with the idea for a LONG time. At this point I'm not ready to commit to a daily or even weekly post. I'm on facebook and tiktok and I send out weekly emails. Yes, I love to write, but I don't want to write like I'm running out of time. Ha! Five sentences in and I've already referenced Hamilton. This space will be for anything I've learned that I'm either still working through or feels like a big enough lesson to be universal. And yes, the first one came from a karaoke bar, on the second night in a row that I'd been out past my bedtime.

Now is as good a time as any to share my list. I don't make resolutions for the new year, but I do set intentions. This year they were all related to stretching my comfort zone. In no particular order, I will:

Finish the Providence marathon
Do a boudoir photo shoot
**Rebrand my business**
Get a tattoo
Hike Mt Washington
**Sing Satisfied at karaoke**
Take an improv class??

The asterisks indicate that I did the thing. The improv class is strictly schedule-dependent. If I can find one, maybe in the fall, that doesn't conflict with braiding or coaching, I'm all in. If it doesn't pan out, I won't consider it a failure.

Okay, on to the main course. Do you like eggplant parm?

I spent years telling myself that I hate karaoke. Me, the person who used to go every Monday with a group of friends. Granted, I didn't always sing, but it was always a good time.

Fast forward to me working in a restaurant that had karaoke, and chose me to work those nights because I could handle a crowd. It ended up being a miserable experience for a couple reasons. One, karaoke crowds don't buy anything. They sip water and spend hours taking up your tables without even a passing thought of leaving a tip. Meanwhile, life goes on for the other side of the restaurant, where everyone who also works exclusively for tips is getting them. Two, those same guests that don't tip expect you to roll out the red carpet for them ahead of their performance. You've never been truly looked down upon as a server until you've been looked down on by a karaoke devotee. They strut around like they're Sara Bareilles or Eddie Vedder but with a voice that even my dogs would consider mediocre at best. Not a shred of self-awareness in the whole crowd.

If you haven't yet noticed, I judged these people pretty fucking hard. As someone who paid her bills with the kindness of others, I had no use for the blatant lack of kindness I found on karaoke night. I changed my availability so that I could no longer get stuck in that situation, and I swore off karaoke forever.

A few months ago I was on a solo road trip and singing along to the Hamilton soundtrack. One of my favorite songs, Satisfied, came on and I belted it out with the confidence of someone alone in a car. It made me feel so good that I got to thinking: what if I sang this for real? I have two friends who have been bugging me for AGES to go to karaoke. Maybe I could make an exception to my lifelong ban for this one song?

I will mention, as a side note, that this was the night my 2023 list of intentions was born. Karaoke was the first thing on my list, and it grew into a whole year of stretching.

Anywhoozle, the night finally came around and I was nervous as hell. I know I'm not great but I was hoping to at least be good enough not to crash and burn. I didn’t want to be one of those awful karaoke people. And there it was. The truth behind my fear. I spent so many years judging people for living it up at karaoke (based on their tiplessness, a word I just made up) that I was afraid to be on the other end of that judgment. In reality, I would love to have the confidence that those screechers had. But since I have always been unsure of my voice and too shy to do one of the fun, entertaining songs that gets the crowd going, I knocked others down to my level.

UGHHHHHHH. Gross.

Last week I cheered for every singer, judged no one, and overtipped for my soda. I sang my song even though I was shaking and my voice got stuck in my head (rather than that wonderful singing-from-your-chest voice that both sounds and feels better). Kevin Hart was right, man. Say it with your chest. My friends whooped and hollered, and later that night not one but TWO complete strangers told me that I'd done a great job. Do I think I was great? No. Do I think that they were acknowledging me for being scared and doing it anyway? Heck yes I do, and I receive that!
 
THIS is the karaoke that I used to love. Now I know I'll be back, and I'm sure I'll be more confident next time, too.

Despite my best efforts, I have become one of those people who can't stop talking about the fact that she's going to run a marathon. There's a joke: "How do you know if someone runs marathons? Don't worry, they'll tell you." I get it now. It's funny until you are the joke (and honestly, it's still funny).

There are a lot of reasons why I'm proud to add Marathoner to my list of accomplishments. I thought I would share a few and let you in on the inspiration behind my decision to cover 26.2 miles in one shot.

First and foremost, I want to celebrate what my body and mind can do when they work together. For a large portion of my life they were very much at odds, and I've never been so grateful as the day they formed an alliance.

Cut to the scene from The Office:
Dwight: "Do you want to form an alliance with me?"
Jim: "Absolutely I do."
Dwight: "Good, good. Excellent."

Right. So after decades of disordered eating, body dysmorphia, and an unhealthy relationship with movement, I've finally landed in the healthiest version of myself - both physically and mentally. If that's not grounds for celebration, I don't know what is.

One of the ways I healed my relationship with movement was by taking over a year off from structured exercise. When I was ready to come back, I decided to listen to my body and ask it what modalities to try. Turns out, the girl who always hated running actually craved it. Maybe this is one of those "tastebuds change" every seven years things, or maybe I got bitten by a radioactive sneaker. Who knows?!?

Okay, so I enjoy running. Great. Why 26.2 freaking miles? It's self-care. Yes, you read that correctly. Committing to marathon training meant that I would need to take the absolute best care of myself leading up to race day. I have to make sure I am rested and recovered between runs, strong enough to endure 6+ hours on the course (I'm doing run/walk intervals), and mentally prepared to talk myself through the slogs. There's no better time to step up my self-care game and create a bulletproof practice that will stay with me no matter what my next adventure may be.

Finally, I wanted to give myself permission to leave the house for hours at a time and do something that was JUST for me. I do go for solo hikes pretty regularly, but I tend to keep them relatively short for time purposes. Gotta get home to the dogs and back to serving others. Can't be too selfish (and yes, I felt that way even as a coach who preaches that self-care ISN'T selfish). Now, 3 weeks out from the marathon, my training runs are almost 4 hours long. And you know what? They don't feel selfish anymore. They feel liberating, exciting, and NECESSARY. I am a different person after a run, and that person is SO much more capable of showing up for her dogs, her family, her friends, and her clients. The shift I've noticed in myself these past few months has been life changing.

Do you need to run a marathon to experience this shift? Not at all. But you do need to commit to making yourself a priority. Choose a goal - maybe one that you've been putting off - and just fucking DECIDE that today is day one. You might not notice a difference immediately, but oh, it's coming. And you don't want to miss it.

As we approach the midpoint of 2023, I'm checking in on my goals for the year. I actually did this recently with my coach, but I want to share it a little more publicly. I know the value of accountability, and the more people hear my goals, the more they'll hold me to them.

First I'll say that I feel really good about this year. It's been full of aligned decisions and actions. My business is growing steadily, I've been managing my energy better than ever, and my relationships are thriving.

Each year I choose a couple words to guide me - my North stars, if you will. This year they were unfiltered, simple, and audacious, and I can honestly say I am living into each one of them. That's sort of my first goal, and it will continue through December.

Perhaps my most public goal to date was completing the Providence marathon. Not only did I finish, I did it a half hour faster than I expected. It was such an incredible experience, from training all the way through recovery. Before my blisters had even healed, I signed up for a half marathon this October. Yay!

Rather than list out everything I've done, though, let's look forward. In no particular order, I will get a tattoo, do a boudoir photo shoot, and hike Mt. Washington. But there's one stretchy goal I haven't shared with anyone yet, and I've gotta come clean.

I will be debt-free on January 1st.

Because of the seasonal nature of braiding, I make my income in chunks. Sometimes, during the winter, I lean on my credit cards and then pay them off after I go to Florida. This winter, I won't need to do that. I don't care how it happens, but I am done paying interest fees.

It feels a little weird to set a goal that I'm not 100% sure how to accomplish. But I have complete trust in the universe (trust was one of 2022's words) and I know it's going to happen.

What are your goals for the year? Feel free to shoot me a message and share them for accountability!

I can barely believe it's been a year since I started writing this blog - and since I began this list. Looking back, 2023 was a whirlwind and a rollercoaster - I wouldn't trade it for the world. Even though there was plenty of struggle and pain, the growth that came out of it all is unparalleled.

To say I accomplished things that I had only dreamed of would be a lie - my whole life I said I would NEVER run a marathon. That was less a dream and more a crazy spontaneous idea I got carried away with. I also had zero plans to become a Reiki master - until one day I found myself signing up for the class and had to add it to the list.

Not every goal was quite so grand - one of my first intentions was to catch up on reading a magazine that I was literally 2 years behind on. The stack of Reader's Digest beside my bed had been taunting me for months, and it was finally time to move through them. When I finished, it felt just as good as checking one of the bigger items off my list.

Anyway, here's the complete list, in the order they were accomplished. I am beyond proud of myself for sticking to it, and I'm already excited to see what I come up with in 2024.

Rebrand my business

Sing Satisfied at karaoke

Start & maintain a blog

Finish the Providence marathon

Become a Reiki master

Catch up on Reader's Digest

Run the first round of Your Brightest Self

Finish the Narragansett half marathon

Boudoir photo shoot

Get a tattoo

Have zero debt on January 1st

In full transparency: A few things got booted off the list because it no longer made sense to keep them. These are not failures because I made conscious decisions to skip them in favor of things that felt better aligned.

Hike Mt. Washington - I was not in the right place, physically or mentally, to both accomplish and enjoy this on the weekend I had planned for it. Although I was bummed to put it off, this undoubtedly felt like the best decision.

Take an improv class - This, from the beginning, was a conditional item. I would only do it if it fit my schedule (without missing any classes), and it genuinely never did. However, I recently signed up for a class that begins in January, so I'm excited that it is finally happening!

Meet an income goal - Between braiding, coaching, and Reiki, there was an amount that I had been hoping to reach. It didn't take long for me to scrap this idea, as I realized financial goals don't feel great for me. Instead I chose to redefine what success would look like in each of those areas.

What were your goals for 2023? How did they pan out for you? Let me know! I love to talk about this stuff. 🥰 And if you want help meeting your goals in 2024, you've come to the right place. Guidance and accountability are kinda my jam. That and raspberry jam. Schedule a virtual coffee with me and start crushing your goals today!